Who is this Betancourt woman? asks Clouseau le Chien. Ze French political media Établissement has been following her story for many years now. She was even known zer before she was kidnapped.

Zey refer to her as being Franco-Colombienne when in fact she is 100% pure Colombian (eef you know what I mean.)

A few daez ago, she was freed from six years of captivity by what is being referred to more and more frequently as ze "Security Forces." You cannot but admire the modus operandi of the people who carried out "Operation Jaque."

It is said zat ze French "Security Forces" carried out their own operation a few years ago when the Zuoave Dominique De Villepin was Foreign Minister. The very man  who was her professeur at ze "Sciences Po" a few years earlier.

You cannot sey that we do not look after our citizens, even if they did obtain their passport by marriage.

Today she came to Paris. She was flown in by government jet under orders of Nicholas Sarkozy, who actually interrupted the television transmissions to announce her release.

My question eez zis. If you had been kidnapped for six years and kept in a jungle, would you believe it if someone told you that Carla Bruni was ze wife of the Président de la Républic?

Neither would I...